Well,
I write today because it’s a day of mixed emotions. Today is the first day of my second trimester…except
that it’s not my second trimester. It
would have been if we hadn’t lost the pregnancy. Last night would have been our last
Progesterone shot. It’s weird knowing
these things, but I do because one of the girls in our cycle is still
pregnant. That’s why my emotions are
mixed. I’m so happy for Betty and Ash,
but I grieve for myself, Todd, and the others that are still in limbo. Most days, I’ve come to terms with what
happened and am ready to get on with the next cycle. Then, there are days that I just don’t know
if I can do it all again. I’m filled
with worry and angst that it won’t happen, and we’ll just be throwing more
money down the tubes. I know that if I get
pregnant, the amount we spent will be completely worth it. I hear that from infertility/adoptive families
all of the time. However, no one ever
says how they feel about it if they don’t ever get pregnant. Do you regret the money, the time, the pain,
the stress? One thing I know is that I’ll
never know the answers without trying.
If we don’t give it one more shot, I’ll always regret that.
Therefore,
our next cycle will be somewhere between mid-October and January. J Vague enough? We were told we needed to wait until at least
September because August is too hot for an IVF cycle. However, we decided to push it back into
October because of other work and personal obligations. Plus, this gives me time to do some more
mental healing. On the other hand, Todd’s
insurance may add IVF as a benefit to
their insurance. If that happens, we
will push this cycle back into January.
We’re not holding our breath that it will happen, but we sure are
crossing our fingers.
In
the meantime, we’re just trying to stay busy.
I’ve been getting really involved in my boot camp gym. Todd has been swamped with work. The last couple of months passed by pretty
quickly because the kids were here for 6 weeks.
That helped a lot!
I hope
everyone is doing well.
