Last year, Mother’s Day was a day of
hope and promise for me. I was certain
that it was my last Mother’s Day without a child. Boy, was I wrong. I’m five days away from this joyous holiday,
and honestly, I’m just dreading it. We
are 3 ½ years into this journey of infertility, and this will definitely be the
hardest “Not a Mother” Mother’s Day that I’ve ever had.
Some people say, “But you are a
mother.” Being a stepmom is
different. Your stepkids don’t remember
to call you on Mother’s Day. They don’t
wake you with breakfast in bed or take you to lunch. They have a mother, someone you never would
think of trying to replace.
This year will be a different lineup of
activities for the day, though. Todd and
I will actually be in Arkansas, where the kids live. We will actually get to see them, maybe even
hug them. It will be a day of
celebration. Kaleb, our 17-year old, has
decided to dedicate his life to Christ, so we will be attending their church
for his baptism. I’m so elated for him
and this decision. He’s an awesome kid, and
I can’t wait to watch him stand in the baptismal with that huge, cheesy grin of
his that makes me smile.
Maybe Sunday will have more peace than I’m
feeling, now. At the least, I will get
to see my stepkids for an hour that morning, even if it is from a distance. I will be able to wave to them and blow them
a little kiss. With any luck, I’ll get
an opportunity to hug each of their necks and tell them I love them.
Please,
dear God, help me not to completely break down in tears when I see them.
And maybe next year, my void will be
filled. Maybe next Mother’s Day, I will be a mother.
