My heart breaks for my friends.
Last week, I received the ultimate news…one of the girls in
my Infertile Myrtles group received a positive pregnancy test after her second
IVF cycle. I cannot explain what this
news did to me. I was so joyful for
her. This news gave the rest of us so
much hope.
Then, the very next day, I find out that another friend is
diving into this dreadful world of infertility headfirst. So many emotions. I am overwhelmed with sadness as I had been praying
and patiently waiting for her to announce a pregnancy that I was just certain
was coming.
It’s like a swinging door.
As one leaves, another enters. If
only I could find a way to allow passage out the door, never to return. I would do that for all of you. I would do that for me.
Just as you think that there is hope, though – “at least one
of us got out” – she returns. Eight days
after she left us, that familiar face is back.
Dreams are dashed as quickly as they were given.
The swinging door cannot be going only in the wrong
direction. That would be even more
unfair.
All of my friends in this fight are strong and resilient in
their own ways. All of them have changed
me and taught me something.
None of them deserve this road.
I have traveled this road for over four years. I used to be without the pain of
infertility. I used to be without
wounds. I have received wounds that
began to heal just in time to open them back up again.
You grow, though. You
strengthen. You learn to find ways to
cope and live with this as your reality.
You learn to lean on others or a higher being or both.
What you never learn to do is not hurt for those that you
love. I wish this was no one’s
reality. All I can do, though, is be
present in all of the ways that they have been present for me.
Some days are easier than others. You have to appreciate those days and try to
remember that another is coming when the days are bad.
Please, friends, don’t ever forget that I’m here for you
with shoulders and ears given to me by my God but designed for your
benefit. We can survive this together.
And someday, we will all hopefully find ourselves on the
other side of that swinging door.
************************************************
Tomorrow is our transfer.
I’m excited and apprehensive in all the ways I think I possibly can
be. Todd is still the only one to be
obtaining information. He’s been solid
for me this week. He hasn’t even begun
to crack and give me any hint as to how our embabies are doing. I am beyond grateful for him. Please, pray for us that we have peace over
this next step and that our embabies are good and strong for tomorrow’s
transfer.
For the record, this round of Progesterone has been
abnormally more painful than the previous three rounds. I don’t know what’s different, but I am
praying that it changes on the next shot!
Shot Clock:
1.
Tuesday morning, October 28 – 300 units of
Follistim
2.
Tuesday evening, October 28 – 300 units of
Follistim
3.
Wednesday morning, October 29 – 300 units of
Follistim
4.
Wednesday evening, October 29 – 300 units of
Follistim
5.
Thursday morning, October 30 – 300 units of
Follistim
6.
Thursday evening, October 30 – 300 units of
Follistim
7.
Friday morning, October 31 – 300 units of
Follistim
8.
Friday evening, October 31 – 300 units of
Follistim
9.
Saturday morning, November 1 – 300 units of Follistim
10.
Saturday evening, November 1 – 300 units of
Follistim
11.
Sunday morning, November 2 – 300 units of
Follistim
12.
Sunday evening, November 2 – 300 units of
Follistim
13.
Monday morning, November 3 – 300 units of
Follistim
14.
Monday evening, November 3 – 300 units of
Follistim
15.
Tuesday morning, November 4 – 300 units of
Follistim
16.
Tuesday evening, November 4 – 300 units of
Follistim
17.
Wednesday morning, November 5 – 300 units of
Follistim
18.
Wednesday morning, November 5 – 250 mcg of
Ganirelix – NEW SHOT!!!
19.
Wednesday evening, November 5 – 300 units of
Follistim
20.
Thursday morning, November 6 – 300 units of
Follistim
21.
Thursday morning, November 6 – 250 mcg of
Ganirelix
22.
Thursday evening, November 6 – 300 units of
Follistim
23.
Friday morning, November 6 – 300 units of
Follistim
24.
Friday morning, November 6 – 250 mcg of
Ganirelix
25.
Friday evening, November 6 – 300 units of
Follistim
26.
Saturday morning, November 7 – 300 units of
Follistim
27.
Saturday morning, November 7 – 250 mcg of
Ganirelix
28.
Saturday evening, November 7 – HCG Trigger Shot
– Ovidrel
29.
Monday evening, November 10 – Progesterone ½ ml
30.
Tuesday evening, November 10 – Progesterone ½ ml
31.
Wednesday evening, November 10 – Progesterone 1
ml
32.
Thursday evening, November 10 – Progesterone 1
ml
