Infertility Prayers

It is no secret that I have relied on prayers during this entire journey.   Therefore, when I had the first opportunity to read 31 Days of Prayer During Infertility, by Lisa Newton, I jumped at the chance.  I have read several devotionals about infertility.  This is definitely my favorite.

A couple of years ago, Lisa took a challenge to blog everyday for 31 days.  Those entries turned into her first rendition of this book.  The book is laid out as a chapter per day.  Each chapter is a different topic that we should pray about in the midst of our infertility.  The 31 topics that she chose are every fear that I ever felt during my journey.  There isn’t one topic that I would add.

The chapters start with something to read, either a personal story from Lisa or quotes from others interlaced with Bible verses.  So many of the personal touches that Lisa adds hit home for me as they are thoughts or stories very similar to my own.

Then, there is a section where you can answer questions pertaining to the topic, write-out Bible verses, and conclude with a written prayer, tying all of it together.  There is plenty room for journaling on these pages, which I really appreciated.  Plus, I thoroughly enjoyed actually writing the verses because it gave me a chance to focus more deeply on them, learning what they were saying to me in that phase.

The way the devotional is laid out, you can even jump days if a different topic is speaking to you on a certain day.  That is something I have done each time I read this.  It’s fun to see where I’m going to be called each time I open the table of contents.

I first read this study when I was in the midst of my infertility journey, and it truly helped me to find the words to more clearly pray through my pain and confusion.  I have read it, again, since we have started accepting our new path after fertility treatments.  It has allowed me to start processing what life may look like moving forward.  The truth is, scripture pertains through every season of life.  Lisa gave me an outlet for being able to find how scripture can mean something different to me at each step.

I am thrilled that this book was released this week on Amazon in print and in a Kindle format.  I wish I could give a copy to every woman I know that is in the midst of a wait.  It’s brilliantly laid out, and I look forward to continuing to read it through more phases of my life.

#IFprayers

**************************************

You want to know an added bonus?!  Right now, this book is only $7.99 for print or $0.99 for Kindle on Amazon.  Hurry though because these prices won't last past Sunday, August 14.  You can find Lisa’s book for sale on Amazon.

**************************************

In order to say thanks for buying the book now, there are some special bonuses that you can get, but only if you buy the book from Amazon by Sunday, August 14. 

Here’s what you get:

·         A PDF download of 31 Scripture memory cards that coincide with each day’s verse (a $1.99 value)

·         FREE access to the Preparing for IVF eCourse (a $7.99 value)

·         An entry into a raffle to receive a care package from me (approximately $25 value, U.S. residents only)

·         A coupon code for 50% off my follow-up book, 31 Days of Scripture During Infertility eBook (PDF format only, $2.40 value)

Here’s how you get the bonuses:

·         Purchase the print book for $7.99 or the Kindle book for $0.99 from Amazon between now and this Saturday, August 14.  They're both on-sale at their lowest prices now, and the prices will go up after August 14.

·         Forward your Amazon receipt OR the screenshot of the purchase confirmation screen to Lisa by emailing it to lisa@amateurnester.com by Monday, August 15. Please put "31 Days Bonus” in the subject line.

You’ll receive an email from Lisa with your bonuses!  If don't receive the email within an hour or so, please check your Spam folder.  If you still haven't received it, you can try emailing her again or messaging her on Facebook or Twitter.

Even If…

Back in January, we started stimulation shots for our sixth and final IVF cycle.  The morning of my first shot, I attended my weekly women’s Bible study.  I have a friend that was a small group leader for the group with me who I had built a deep relationship with over the previous months.  You see, she and her husband struggled for five years to get pregnant.  When they were told IVF was their only option, they gave their struggle to God and walked away from the reproductive endocrinologist.  Shortly thereafter, they were blessed with their miracle pregnancy…naturally.  Lindsay carried her sweet baby girl to full-term.  Aspyn was born on September 25, 2015.  She was a little angel, a healer of the hearts that had been broken by infertility.

On October 25, 2015, my dear friend went to feed her sweet baby and instead found her lifeless.  Aspyn Jane was exactly one month old when she left this Earth due to SIDS to be with our Heavenly Father.

Remember this picture from my last entry?
This is why this picture was so profound to me as my view on Transfer Day.

On the morning of January 23, 2016, Lindsay sat and told the Bible study a part of the story of the night Aspyn passed.  It was a part of the story I had not yet heard, and it changed me.

She said that she could remember running to her in-law’s house next door to get them, and as she ran back into her front yard, she collapsed, face first onto the ground.  In that moment, she turned to God, and she begged Him to bring Aspyn back to life.  And in the next instance, she prayed, “But even if you don’t, I will still know you are good.”  She suddenly remembered the Bible story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.  They prayed to God to save them from the fires where they were being tossed but said that even if He didn’t, they would still only worship Him.

That was it.  That was the prayer that I knew Todd and I needed to pray during this final attempt to have a child that was half him and half me.

“Dear God.  Please, give us a baby.  We know you can.  But even if You do not, we will still know that you are good.”

I went home that day and told Todd the story.  With tears in both of our eyes, we agreed we would pray that through each step of this final cycle.

Fast forward to Friday, May 20.  I had blood work drawn to see if I was pregnant.  I left work at 1:30 in the afternoon, so I could be at home when our nurse called.  I was so used to taking phone calls at work, but we decided that this one should be done together.  After all, we both just knew this cycle had worked, so we needed to start planning how we would tell the kids immediately.

I will never forget sitting on our couch with Todd, staring at the phone that just would not ring.  I finally called CCRM because I couldn’t wait any longer.  For the first time since we had started talking to this clinic, they patched me through directly to the nurse.  We both sat and listened as she said, “I’m so sorry, but you are not pregnant.”  Todd took the phone as the look of horror and sadness overwhelmed my voiceless cry.  I remember her telling him that she understood we didn’t want to talk to her at that moment, I should stop taking my meds immediately, and they would contact us to setup a regroup appointment with Dr. Schoolcraft.

Our prayer was being put to the test.

Frozen Embryo Transfer: Take 1

It’s bitter sweet that all of this is finally coming to an end.  We have been saying that God was giving us our final embaby as a Mother’s Day gift.  No matter the outcome, we had decided this would be the last stop on the IVF train.  It ended up being a great way to spend Mother’s Day and our final week in Colorado for this cycle.  (Yes, we went for our transfer the week of Mother's Day.  I realize how late that means this entry is.  My sincerest apologies.)

We started the week by arriving earlier than I like to even be awake.  It was nice to get to fly this trip.  We ate at our favorite local breakfast place and cruised the mall until our condo was ready for our arrival.

Over the next week, we had the opportunity to spend time at The Royal Gorge, run through the rain to find sushi in downtown Denver, watch the Rockies play baseball, and view the spectacular sight that is Pike’s Peak.  We also had a chance to have dinner at my childhood friend's house; one of our favorite parts of our Colorado trips has been spending time with Millie and her family.

Now, a montage of pictures from our visit...

(By the way, we purchased a beanie baby monkey on the way home after our very first IVF retrieval.  He now travels with us on each of our cycles.)

*Our Little Monkey* about to board the Royal Gorge train.

Guess what state we are moving to because their flag is perfect?

See the A-frame across the way?  We are about to swing from it..

In some ways, riding in that swing is symbolic of our IVF journey together...

We were excited in the beginning...

...but quickly began gripping onto the man I love...

...followed shortly by screaming my head off from the sheer terror of it all...

...but finding a way to enjoy the ride...

...while ultimately never letting go of my rock.



Isn't he precious when he's trying to pretend he's tired of pictures?!

We had to run through the rain to get this girl some sushi!

I asked him to take me to see *The Rockies.*

What we have here is a failure to communicate.







On top of Pike's Peak

Y'all, I was not dressed for snow in May!

It wouldn't be a trip to Colorado without a wild hair picture.

*Our Little Monkey* on Pike's Peak

But this view...

Literally brought tears to our eyes as we stared and listened to Bethel Music serenade us with "It Is Well."

Obviously, we also had time for IVF appointments and a little thing we call a frozen embryo transfer (FET).  When we made it to our condo on Saturday, May 7, we unpacked our bags and setup “Preggo Central: Colorado Style.”

Preggo Central: Colorado Style

All of the meds for this cycle: 
Lupron & Progesterone injections – Vivelle patches –
Aspirin, Medrol, and Doxycycline pills – and Endometrin…uh, tabs

Sunday morning, we had a stop at CCRM for blood work for the both of us.  Our communicable disease labs had expired, so those had to be redrawn.  Plus, I needed my progesterone levels checked.  Unfortunately for Todd, his vein rolled.  In all of my dozens of blood draws over the last 5 years, I have never seen this happen.  I wish I could say that I still hadn’t.  Todd likes to say that she was moving the needle around so much that she almost clipped the carotid artery in his neck.  Ha!

The face of a man with a rolled vein.  Ouch!

On Wednesday, we arrived for the big transfer day.  I was handed Valium to calm my nerves and told to start drinking a bottle of water, which I did.  I also had blood work to check my estrogen and progesterone levels.  Then, they took us upstairs to the magical land of baby-making.

A nurse came in to complete a quick ultrasound to check my bladder.  She said it was almost full enough, so chug the rest of the second bottle of water I was currently sipping.  Being the good patient I am, I did.

Of course *Our Little Monkey* was with us!

Modeling my stylish anchor socks I have worn for every transfer.

Todd wearing his good luck charm, a Never Give Up shirt.

My view for the procedure -

anchors for our journey &

"Aspyn" trees to remind me of a friend that has

played a profound part in this recent step of our journey

The acupuncture practitioner came in and started my first round of acupuncture.  Studies show that acupuncture directly before and after a transfer increases your odds of success.  Bring on the needles!  (Heck, these weren’t hooked to any electric leads, so I thought it was pretty easy.)  I laid there for about 30 minutes (I think?) with Todd in the room.  He read me a devotional and some texts full of love and support from friends and family.  At one point, he made me laugh, which did hurt.  I had needles in my ears.  Who knew there were so many nerves inside the ears.  Ouch!

Acupuncture needles in my ears - Don't make me laugh!

By the time the acupuncturist removed the needles, my bladder was full, and I was getting close to uncomfortable.  Dr. Schoolcraft poked his head into the room and asked, “How are you doing?”  I responded with, “I hope I don’t pee on you.”  He said, “That makes two of us.”  Have we mentioned how much we like him?!


The next thing I knew, they were wheeling an incubator with a computer screen on top of it into the room.  Inside there was our embaby.  Todd was allowed to take pictures of the screen which displayed our little baby.  Todd said he|she looked like a diamond ring, but we of course realize how much more precious they are than diamonds.  This was our 35th and final baby that we would make with IVF.  It was pretty awesome.

The incubator keeping our baby nice and warm

Our sweet embaby

The transfer was the easiest I can ever remember.  When he said he was all finished, I said, “I didn’t even know you had really started.  That was easier than a pap smear.”  He replied, “Oh, if only they gave Valium for pap smears.”  (I’m going to talk to my doctor about that.)

By this point, I was about to burst.  Luckily for me, I was allowed to use a bedpan, as you’re not allowed to stand up for another hour after transfer.  I only tell that detail for ladies that will be doing transfers with doctors that want full bladders.  It can be difficult.  Good luck.

The acupuncturist reappeared for my second round of acupuncture.  Again, I had another 45 minutes to relax with Todd in the room.  I have to say that I really enjoyed having Todd by my side through the entire transfer day.  It was calming.

I spent the rest of that day and the next in the horizontal position at the condo.  I was allowed to recline to eat, but otherwise, I stayed flat.

On the way home, we were trying to upgrade one of us to board the plane early enough to get us seats together.  Todd told the ticketing agent that I was pregnant, which didn’t receive any feedback more than a quick “Congratulations,” but it made my heart soar.

A few mornings, he kissed my belly to say “good morning” to our little sweetness.

One night, my 5-year old niece had lost her tooth.  As she put it under her pillow, she told her mom/my sister, “This one is for Aunt Laura’s baby!”  <swooning>

I started having soreness and cramping, which we celebrated. 

I thoroughly enjoy getting to be pregnant.


************************************


I would just like to apologize for some of the formatting issues on this entry.  I am kind of over BlogSpot.  Le sigh.

Final Preparations

I get the best fortune cookies.

Telling the story of this cycle seems to be dragging along.  I apologize for that.  It's nearing an end...I promise.

Somewhere between administering *Devil Lupron* shots, electromagnetic acupuncture, and ordering FET meds, Dr. Schoolcraft’s office called to say he would not be in the office on Monday, May 9, to perform my embryo transfer.  Huh?!

They said we could move our transfer to Wednesday, May 11, or we could have another physician perform the procedure.  Considering we came to Colorado for Dr. Schoolcraft, we opted to wait.  However, since our flight, rental car, and condo were already booked for Saturday to Saturday, we decided to leave those details alone.

On April 18, the frozen embryo transfer (FET) meds began.  I always assumed that there would be fewer meds for an FET.  That’s not necessarily true.  Keeping on schedule with meds for any part of an IVF cycle can be confusing.  I had to convert the “calendar” that their office gave to me into my own to make sure that I didn’t miss any dosages.  I was taking meds three times a day at one point during the cycle, so it’s just a lot to remember.

Many cycles ago, Todd organized all of our meds onto a single shelf in our pantry to make it easy to find everything.  It was a very romantic gesture.  Then, our girls made me a cute sign that said “Preggo Central.”  We have used that sign for every single cycle since.  This time, though, we moved the meds into the closet for easier access.  In another romantic gesture, Todd cleared off one of his shelves in the closet for the entirety of the cycle.

All of the meds & supplies I need for my FET, plus my red notebook containing my calendar.

For those like me that enjoy *geeking-out* on IVF med protocols, this is what I was taking:

• Vivelle 0.1mg patches – started with 1 and quickly escalated to 4 patches every other day
• Lupron 5 units daily – NOT *Devil Lupron* – This shot is much smaller with much easier side effects.
• Aspirin 81-83mg daily
• Medrol 16 mg daily
• Endometrin 100mg twice daily
• Doxycycline 100mg twice daily
• Progesterone in Oil 0.5ml every other day – Um, it makes a world of difference when this shot is not daily.

These were the starter meds for the FET:  Vivelle, Lupron, and Aspirin.

I do want to mention two more things about this med protocol. 

I have been known to state this cycle that Prometrium is one of my all-time least favorite drugs.  It’s just gross.  Well, Endometrin is the exact same thing except that it costs more and comes with applicators.  Totally. Worth. It.  I would not go back and do this any differently.

Also, thanks to the Progesterone in Oil (PIO) not being daily, I have been taking the shot without any pain relief.  If you have ever taken PIO, you know that most people use ice or Lidocaine or something to help numb the shot area.  Well, in past cycles, PIO was always administered in the evening, so I was able to do that.  However, this time, we are doing it in the mornings.  (“We” because it’s in the rear, so Todd has to administer it.)  Anyway, because I forgot to get up an hour before the shot to start the numbing process the first few times, I just decided to see how it was without.  Not as bad as you would think.  Honestly, I think I’m just getting used to it.  It still stings like crazy, but it’s worth it to get my beauty rest.

The only real side effects I had during this preparation were weepiness (you’re welcome, Todd) and sleepiness (you’re welcome, boss).

For the final 4 weeks of FET preparation, we both participated in relaxation therapy because we can and we should.  In addition to the electromagnetic acupuncture I was doing twice a week, Todd also went with me for weekly massages or float therapy sessions.  If you haven’t heard of float therapy, you should look it up.  Basically, you float in an 80% salt water mix for 40 minutes.  It’s incredibly relaxing.

This is what the pods look like.

It’s bitter sweet that all of this is finally coming to an end.  We have been saying that God was giving us our final embaby as a Mother’s Day gift.