The Zingo is Back in Town

Let me preface this entry by saying that I really don’t like writing negative thoughts.  I don’t even like thinking negative thoughts.  However, if someone that is going to take Lupron reads this, I want them to have as much information as possible.  It helps when preparing for this ordeal.

Also, I would like to mention that my in-laws came for a quick visit this weekend.  I have been trying to find a cute hand fan to keep in my purse since we found out I was going to be on Lupron.  Ta da, my sweet mother-in-law brought me one.  It’s gorgeous and just perfect!  She got it from a friend that lives in The Phillipines, and I love it!!  Thank you, Judy!  I love you.

Okay, so the not so fun stuff.  Lupron is not the cakewalk I thought it would be.  I know I’ve said it before, but I mean it even more, now.  I have tried and tried to be strong through this process, but it’s finally getting the better of me.  I feel officially beat today.  The two symptoms that are killing me are my joint pain and my mood swings.  For those that aren’t familiar with the Zingo, it is a rollercoaster that was in Tulsa for like 200 years.  By the time they closed the amusement park, it was pretty rickety.  It’s like me…up and down and rickety.  J

I have been on Osteo Bi-Flex since November 8 for the joint pain in my knees, wrists, and feet.  I thought it was getting better, but then it started getting worse.  I called Kelly, my amazing nurse, yesterday.  She said that she’s concerned that I’m pushing it too hard at boot camp.  I have been going five days every week since I started (with the exception of when we went to Austin, and I could only go four times that week).  She said I have to tone it down to three days a week, but I can walk for 15-20 minutes on my “days off”.  At first, I was devastated.  I called Todd on my way to Edmond yesterday in tears.  I never thought I would cry from being told by a doctor that I had to take it easier on workouts.  However, this is the first time I feel like I’m really succeeding at a workout regimen, and I’m scared that I’ll slip back into my couch potato ways if I don’t keep it up.  Todd assures me that he’ll walk with me on my days off if he’s here.  I know my mom will walk with me when he can’t.  Or we can all three walk together.  J  I’m going to work with the trainers to get some exercises I can do off of my joints, too.

The mood swings are the worst, though.  Last night, Todd came home a day early from his work trip.  I was ecstatic.  We ate dinner, and he was asleep by 9:15.  He hadn’t slept in over 21 hours, so I was glad to hear him snoring this time.  J  However, by 11, I was in hysterics.  I don’t know why.  (It might have been the awful Google search I had done on Lupron that set me off, but I’ll never admit it.  That was the first thing Kelly had told us not to do when we learned I was going to take the shot.  It’s terrifying!)  Anyway, after crying for a little while, I decided I couldn’t stand feeling so alone.  Mom wasn’t answering her texts, so my last resort was to wake my Sleeping Beauty.  I told him I just needed him to hold me, so he rolled over and let me nuzzle into his crook.  Within 30 seconds, I heard the snores again.  At least it made me giggle a little.  Anyway, I cried for a while longer and woke-up crying this morning.  I’ve cried on and off a few times today.  It’s like I can’t control it.  (I’m actually tearing up just writing this.)  A couple of years ago, I read an article from Stephen Covey about the 90/10 rule; basically, it says that your moods are determined 90% by your own mind and 10% by what happens to you.  I’ve tried to live by this principle, so I’ve gotten better at staying pretty consistently happy and positive through most things.  Not now.  I feel like I have zero control over my emotions.  I don’t even feel like the same person.  It’s awful, and I hate it!  I will be so grateful when this medicine is out of my system…and then I can start the IVF meds.  Ha!

I am lucky, though!  Most of the time, Todd or my mom have the time to talk me through my episodes.  A lot of the time, I’m able to lean on Samantha and Rachel (my girlfriends that are currently pregnant) through texting.  I appreciate these people so much right now!!  Sometimes, just talking (or texting) it out can make all the difference.

Anyway, so sorry for the Debbie Downer post.  Maybe I’ll write another one in 30 minutes when my mood is back at the top of the rollercoaster, again.  J  Happy Thanksgiving!!