No Promises

For a few years, we would take family vacations with Todd’s side of the family to Myrtle Beach.  It was a week-long vacation.  We would drive out there to save money…after all, flying 5 people gets pricey.  (We even had to walk Kaleb through a cost-analysis exercise one time, so he could see how much money we were saving.)  Anyway, the drive was 21 hours one-way when we lived in Dallas and the kids were in Arkansas.  In order to maximize our time there, we left Myrtle Beach at midnight and returned home around 10pm the next night.  This is all added information that is not important.

The point of the story is that we took the kids on an annual vacation.  The first year we did this, they started asking lots of questions about what we would do while we were there.  Quickly, we learned to answer them with, “We are making no promises.”  By the next year, we had shortened this to “No promises.”  By the final year, the kids had learned to answer their own questions with this answer.

We had our final ultrasound today.  Goodbye, Wandy…until next time?  The news is not good.  This was, indeed, not our cycle to have a baby.

What the next step is?  I don’t know.

What I do know is that I can make no promises.

I can make no promises that next time you see me, I will be happy-go-lucky.  However, I can make no promises that I will be sad, either.  My emotions will be unpredictable.  I could change how I feel at the drop of a hat.  When you’re dealing with something this painful, you deserve to have your mourning periods.  That being said, you also deserve the right to pull yourself out of the mourning slump and enjoy life when you can.  For the record, finding joy in life during a time like this does not mean that I’m over it or that it doesn’t hurt; it means that I cannot remain upset 24/7 or I could end up letting happiness slip through my fingers forever.

I can make no promises to be optimistic from this point forward.  There will be times that things will seem like they are never going to go our way.  I will do my best to only unload on Todd, though.  J  Lucky fella.

I can make no promises that I will respond to each and every text, email, voicemail, or Facebook message that I receive.  Sometimes, I have no words for what to say back.  I do appreciate any and every message that you send, though.  Just don’t be offended if you don’t hear back from me.

I can make no promises to what our future holds.  More IVF, donor eggs, donor sperm, donor embryos, adoption, no more Provence babies?  Who knows?  Todd and I have a lot discuss.  We have a lot to pray about.  Our next step used to be decided.  Then, we got pregnant, and things changed.

 

I can make no promises to stop making jokes about stealing babies.  Maybe those are a little off-color, but they make Todd and me laugh.  We enjoy dreaming up new ways to go to Walmart and bring home bread, eggs, and a baby.  That being said, I can make no promises to stop making jokes about taking friends' multiples off their hands.

As for now, we will take life one day at a time.  The kids get into town tonight, so we won’t be making any decisions until after they leave.  I will stop my Progesterone injections tonight and hope that I naturally miscarry.

At this time, the only thing that anyone can do for us is to pray.  We appreciate the support.