Chazown – My Purpose

Chazown (pronounced khaw-ZONE) from the Hebrew, meaning a dream, revelation, or vision.

Several weeks ago, Todd and I had the opportunity to attend a seminar called Chazown at church.  The point of the seminar was to help you find your purpose in life.  Going into it, I was certain I was about to face one of my fears…that engineering isn’t my “calling.”  I just knew I was going to leave Saturday afternoon and tell Todd that I needed to quit my job and start working for a non-profit organization.  I was so wrong.  Instead, I realized that my purpose is to help those that are fighting the fertility battle to find joy in life.  (I still think there is a bigger life for me after engineering, but for now, it helps pay those IVF bills!)

I. am. so. excited.

I met with the LifeGroups pastor yesterday, and I should be ready to start a support group for women like me within next 2 weeks.  (For any of you Tulsa-area girls, I would love for you to join us.  If you don’t or haven’t suffered from any fertility issues but know someone who has, please, direct them to me.  This is not limited to those that use IVF treatments; I think that all types of fertility issues have things in common we can share.  You do not need to attend LifeChurch to be a part of this group, either.)  I will be leading the effort, and we will take it in the direction that is best for everyone involved.  I just think this is going to be an awesome, much needed outlet for those that deal with these issues on a daily basis.

We need this support!  Personally, I have been lucky to have friends that have gone down this path before me, but not everyone has that type of support group.  Fortunately, I have watched many of them leave these challenges behind, as well as watch my "more fertile" friends start their families.  It's hard for those that have left these challenges in the past to always remember the depth of the pain felt; they get busy with their new children or just with life, in general.  It's even more difficult for those that haven't been down this road to empathize.  When you’re still in the middle of the battle, you can sometimes start to feel left behind.  I want to start this group so everyone can have shoulders to cry on and friends to remind them that they aren’t alone.

Last night, I received a message from a dear friend that knows fertility challenges all too well.  (I won’t share too much of her personal details without her permission.)  She’s the type of person that everyone loves and wants the best for.  She was a very good supporter and encourager for me during both of my cycles.  Anyway, she has run into an unexpected struggle with fertility that she wanted to share.  Unfortunately, she lives an hour-and-a-half from me, so I couldn’t hug her.  As soon as I saw the message, I knew that all I could do was to cry for her and pray for her.  My heart was just broken.  Then, it dawned on me that this new group can provide for other women those hugs and those prayers and those tears from friends that truly understand.  She reminded me why I think this is so important.  (Thank you, friend, for trusting me with your story.  I’m sending you virtual hugs and lots of prayers!)

I really can’t wait to get this group going, and I hope that anyone reading this blog will pass along my contact information to those that may benefit from these newfound friendships.

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On a romantic note, I am certain that I married the man that God made for me.  On Saturday, we went to see Heaven is For Real.  It was a powerful movie for me.  One thing it left me wondering is if we have a child in Heaven waiting for us to come Home.  I asked Todd this question as we were climbing into bed that night.  He reassured me that he thought we did.  Although we may have not been pregnant for very long last May, the doctors assure us that we were indeed pregnant.  Therefore, there is a little soul that found its way to Heaven.  This comforts me.  There is a child that is half Todd and half me spending their days playing with cousins and an aunt or uncle.  Even if God doesn’t bless us with a biological child on Earth, we have someone special we will get to meet when we arrive in Heaven.  This thought brings me peace.

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On a sweet note about our church babies, I realized in Chazown that my second purpose in life is to work with kids.  I had already started to fulfill this purpose by teaching the 3-year olds in church with Todd.  Each week, I hope I bring a smile to some of those kids’ faces with my silly dances and high-fives when they answer a question correctly.  I know they make me smile and laugh…and occasionally gag when I have to wipe a snotty nose.  J  This upcoming Sunday, Todd and I will be out of town, and I am actually sad…like really sad…that I’m going to miss seeing their little faces.  Anyway, this past Friday, I had the chance to lead 2 extra classes for Easter weekend.  Todd was headed to get the kids, so I volunteered alone.  As I stepped into my second class, which happened to be our regular class, one of our little girls was in there.  I was so excited to see her.  I bent down to give her a hug, and she looked at me with sad eyes and said, “Where’s Todd?”  It just melted my heart in all the right ways.  She knew one of our names, and she was sad that half of our dynamic duo was missing.  <content sigh>

 

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One a similar note, just a short week after Chazown, Jessah, at Dreaming of Dimples posted a blog entry called, what are you doing for others?  I thought it was pretty timely!