Friday, January 23, 2015

My Quest for Faith

January 20, 2014, I can remember standing in the parking lot of a CVS in central Dallas after one of three consultations that we were having with new Reproductive Endocrinologists, AKA “IVF doctors,” from Dallas to St. Louis.  Todd and I were alone and having one of the most difficult conversations I have ever had in my life.  I was struggling with my faith.  I began to feel as if God had left us to fight this fertility battle on our own.  I was beginning to doubt Him.  It was a low point for me.  Todd didn’t understand it.  He didn’t feel it.  His faith was surviving while mine was not.

It was at that point that we made some drastic changes.  We stopped talking about how we needed to go to church more often, and we did it.  We stopped talking about how it would be fun to join a LifeGroup, and we did it.  We stopped talking about how we should probably start getting involved in the church, and we did it.  We even went above the plan, attended our first Chazown seminar, and I started my Infertile Myrtles LifeGroup.

That conversation in the CVS parking lot was a pivotal moment in my life.

I started this year in a very different way.  Unfortunately, I was in similar but deeper anguish as I was starting 2014.  However, I handled it different.  I made a promise to start a new habit that would build my faith instead of tearing it down; I began reading the Bible daily.

One of the first tasks I completed was to pick my word for the year.  I have read several blogs about other’s words, so I thought it was time that I share mine.  After much study and prayer, I have felt that God is leading me to the word “trust.”  Duh.  I should have been able to figure that one out on my own.

Instead of making resolutions this year, I simply decided to start working on trusting God in everything I do. 
·         When I get sad about our situation…
·         When I start doubting that we will ever have a child or that I will find my joy…
·         When I don’t know what to do next…
·         When I feel I’m failing at being a stepmother…
·         When a friendship is struggling…
·         When work is overwhelming…
·         When I’m feeling unhappy with my body…

…I will stop and tell God about it.  Then, I trust that He will take care of us and that His plan is far better than any plan we could make for ourselves.

I’m still new at this and trying to remember this plan when the waves start rocking my boat.  However, I’m not perfect, yet.  This is just where I’m headed.  This is my goal for the year.

Feel free to help hold me accountable.  If you talk to me and I’m struggling, feel free to remind me that I need to stop, give it to God, and trust that He will take care of us.
I am participating in a link-up with this blog today:  Deep Roots During Infertility
In case you would like to copy & paste the address:


  1. Love your word of the year girlie. And I must say from experience...reading your Bible on a daily basis takes discipline but the reward is amazing! I refuse to start my day without at least reading a chapter...or a verse...or journal to Him. I have discovered that when I don't, my whole day is a WRECK. lol! Love ya sugars! xo

    1. I agree with you, Elisha. I'm already feeling stronger and better prepared by just making this a new habit. It does take discipline, but it's so worth it. Love you, too!! *Hugs*

  2. This gave me the chills! Isn't it so awesome when God speaks so clearly to us, even if we are in a CVS parking lot? Trust in Him is the best way to be girl!!! I would love to keep you accountable, you do the same for me ;)

    1. Yes, Caroline, it's awesome to be able to look back and see that He was right there with us in that CVS parking lot...even if I didn't realize it at the time. Thank you for offering to be an accountability partner. I will definitely take you up on that offer and gladly reciprocate. Yay!!

  3. Laura, I LOVE reading your blog, even though I sometimes cry a lot, but this one is SO uplifting. I will hold you accountable, dear daughter, if you will hold me accountable. Just remember, God is always there. . .all the time.

    1. Thanks, Momma. I appreciate that you take the time to read my blog...and comment. :) I know that isn't easy for you. (Pain in the rear blog setup.) I would love to hold you accountable. Thank you for always loving and supporting us!

  4. you are such an inspiration. what a wonderfully uplifting message.

  5. Trust is such a good word. I often have to remember to trust and put all my faith in him. He is there for us always, and I believe that. But sometimes it's easy to think he's forgotten.

    1. Yes, sometimes I forget that when I'm struggling, I can just pray and let it go. Sometimes, I find myself praying and then never completely letting it go to Him. I need to get better about that. 2015 is the year! :)