The last week has been a rollercoaster of emotions! Because I wasn’t fully ready to talk about all of this until today, I did a few updates that I would just share all at once.
Wednesday, May 29 Update:This morning, I decided to break the Cardinal Rule of infertility treatments. I took an at-home pregnancy test, which on IVF blogs is known as POAS. (You’ll have to look that one up on your own. J) Anyway, it was negative. Now, I know why they told me not to take them. I cried and cried and cried. After that, I cried some more. I just knew at one point that I was pregnant. Then, I doubted that I was. This test confirmed that I wasn’t. This emotional rollercoaster is no fun!
After I finally pulled myself out of bed, I got dressed and went to Dr. Bundren’s office for my beta test. Yes, I actually had my blood draw for my pregnancy test scheduled for today, May 29. I didn’t post the actual date (lying and saying it was June 3) because I was hoping to surprise my friends and family this evening…including my blog readers. [Truth is, I haven’t told very many people even up to this point because of the way this all went down. A few of my IVF friends had figured out that I lied about the date, so they were in on the secret. However, that was it.] Anyway, I asked Todd to go with me for moral support. I knew I would be crying a lot while I was up there. I did. Again, I cried and cried and cried. The nurses were all passing me around from shoulder to shoulder like a new baby. Ha, no pun intended. Claudia (the fill-in nurse for Mary Kathryn because she’s out this week) drew my blood and told me that most likely, I would get a negative on the beta test, too. That crushed me because up until that point, I had kept telling myself that maybe the POAS just couldn’t detect the small amounts of hCG in my system, yet. I suddenly lost all hope.
Then, as I was driving to work, I was subconsciously singing “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Baby Provence in a baby carriage.” It’s like my brain was acting like a mean, taunting 6-year old bully! I had to pray harder to get it out of my head. J
Well, at 2:37pm, Claudia called. She asked if James was with me. (Ugh! I hate when they don’t remember that we call him Todd.) Anyway, I told her I was at work, so she went ahead and told me. My hCG level is a 21!!! Now, that’s low. Really low. Kelly (my Lupron nurse) called after I talked to Claudia and gave me a little more insight. (I really like Kelly. She’s patient and oh so loving.) Anyway, she told me that I need to be cautiously optimistic. This number could be just fine or maybe not. I was scheduled to go back for another beta test on Tuesday, June 4…only 6 more days of waiting!
I told Todd tonight that I feel like I just got to the end of the reps in my workout and the trainer said, “6 more!” This is like a never-ending waiting game.
Anyway, I learned my lesson about taking the POAS. I won’t do that, again.
Thursday, May 30 Update:Last night was a fun night. The girls were with Mom and Dad playing all day, so the four of them and my nephews came over for dinner. Well, before dinner, I said I wanted to line up for a few pictures in front of our fireplace. Todd played photographer. First, he took a silly picture of the kids.
Then, he lined the rest of us up and said, “Say ‘Laura’s pregnant.” Watch the video to see what happens next.Oh, what fun! I’m so glad the girls know, now. I felt like we were keeping a huge secret from them, which we were. They were so thrilled and loved seeing all of the things we already bought for the baby. They’re going to make great big sisters!...and diaper changers!! J
After that, we called my sister, Amber, that lives in Dallas. I asked her husband to let me speak to Campbell, my amazingly intelligent five-year old niece. I knew she would be a perfect messenger! She was super animated on the phone, which just increased my enthusiasm. I asked her if she could go tell her mommy something for me. I said, “Go say, ‘Aunt Laura’s going to have a baby.” Amber said she ran in there so excited! I talked to Jason for a few minutes about it. He was thrilled and had a great reaction. Then, Amber got on the phone and asked if she heard Campbell correctly. We talked for about 15 minutes. Sometime during the call, you could hear Campbell in the background screaming, “Yay! Aunt Laura’s going to have a baby!!” It was a great call! Amber and Jason so happy for us, and I just love that. Amber’s really been invested in this process with me.
Once my oldest sister, Jenny, showed up from her business meeting, the kids performed a skit they had prepared to tell her about the pregnancy. Considering I had threatened my family with their lives if they told the girls about us doing IVF this month, she wasn’t sure how to react. It was pretty funny. J It was really fun for the kids, so I’m glad they were able to do that.
Next, came the call to Kaleb. I so wish he could have been here for the announcement, but he really needed to stay in Arkansas and make some money to fix his car. His reaction was great, though!Todd texted his parents, as well. They are very happy for us and texted that they are praying that the pregnancy sticks!
As for everyone else, they’re going to have to wait until Tuesday. I hope everyone understands that I need this time to myself to figure this out. I am nervous as can be right now and am just not sure I want to explain the details over and over and over. I would rather wait until we know more. I pray and pray and pray. I’m a very lucky girl to have Todd, though. He’s been a rock these last 28 hours. I love him!!
Friday, May 31 Update:Not much of an update today. I posted on the actual day that I’m having itching. Well, it’s later in the day, and the itching isn’t any better. Maybe I’ll try a little ice, but I’m worried it will make my knots worse. Oh, well…anything to have a baby, right?!
Wednesday, June 5 Update:Dr. Bundren, himself, called me last night…at almost 6:30pm. That late call wasn’t a surprise, but him calling was. He informed me that my hCG levels are rising quite as fast as he had hoped. However, because my symptoms don’t say I’m not pregnant, he’s not ready to give-up on this cycle. I had to go back in this morning for another blood draw. Hopefully, I’ll hear something tonight. I’m officially emotionally numb. I know I could just cry for hours right now, but I won't let myself do that, again. This rain doesn’t help much because it just makes me want to sleep.