My Second Trimester

I know I haven’t written in a long time.  I really haven’t known what to say.  This blog was started because I wanted to document my IVF journey.  Well, right now, it’s on standstill.  We’re just waiting.  It seems like for the last 2 years, 21 months, all we have done is wait.  There was one month (May) where I felt like we were really doing something to accomplish our goal of having a baby.  However, besides that, it’s felt like a lot of waiting…with the occasional painful procedure for one of us thrown into the mix.

Well, I write today because it’s a day of mixed emotions.  Today is the first day of my second trimester…except that it’s not my second trimester.  It would have been if we hadn’t lost the pregnancy.  Last night would have been our last Progesterone shot.  It’s weird knowing these things, but I do because one of the girls in our cycle is still pregnant.  That’s why my emotions are mixed.  I’m so happy for Betty and Ash, but I grieve for myself, Todd, and the others that are still in limbo.  Most days, I’ve come to terms with what happened and am ready to get on with the next cycle.  Then, there are days that I just don’t know if I can do it all again.  I’m filled with worry and angst that it won’t happen, and we’ll just be throwing more money down the tubes.  I know that if I get pregnant, the amount we spent will be completely worth it.  I hear that from infertility/adoptive families all of the time.  However, no one ever says how they feel about it if they don’t ever get pregnant.  Do you regret the money, the time, the pain, the stress?  One thing I know is that I’ll never know the answers without trying.  If we don’t give it one more shot, I’ll always regret that.

Therefore, our next cycle will be somewhere between mid-October and January.  J  Vague enough?  We were told we needed to wait until at least September because August is too hot for an IVF cycle.  However, we decided to push it back into October because of other work and personal obligations.  Plus, this gives me time to do some more mental healing.  On the other hand, Todd’s insurance may add IVF as a benefit to their insurance.  If that happens, we will push this cycle back into January.  We’re not holding our breath that it will happen, but we sure are crossing our fingers.

In the meantime, we’re just trying to stay busy.  I’ve been getting really involved in my boot camp gym.  Todd has been swamped with work.  The last couple of months passed by pretty quickly because the kids were here for 6 weeks.  That helped a lot!

I hope everyone is doing well.