Headache

Yesterday, I awoke with a pain.  It wasn’t excruciating, but it was impossible to ignore.  The pain was in my head, right behind my ear.  I got ready for work and went about my day, trying to forget that it was there.  Little did I know…

 

It was out to ruin my day.

 

Later in the morning, I realized that it had moved to the back of my head, closer to my neck, and it was stronger.

 

I tried to find something to distract me from the pain.  I went for a walk.  I stopped and talked to coworkers.  Unfortunately, it didn’t take away the pain.  Then, I would get a call or a visitor, and I realized my mood was irritable.  This pain wasn’t going anywhere.

 

It was out to ruin my day.

 

It did ease a little at times, but it was always there…just more bearable at certain unexplained moments of the day.  Out of nowhere, it would begin to hurt so bad that I wanted to cry.

 

I tried to pray it away.  Nothing.  I tried medicine.  Still didn’t help.  I applied essential oils.  This pain was insistent.

 

It was out to ruin my day.

 

Sometime in the afternoon, the pain had moved to the top of my head.  I applied pressure with both arms, and it just wouldn’t move on.

 

I snuck away to try to close my eyes in a peaceful, quiet, cool place.  I was completely distracted from work all day.

 

It was out to ruin my day.

 

When I finally got home, we tried every home remedy that we have in our arsenal.  Our entire evening, mine and Todd’s, was consumed with this headache.  Everything we did revolved around it.

 

It was out to ruin my day.

 

I awoke this morning with the headache still there.  It wasn't as painful, but it was definitely noticeable.  That is when I realized that this headache was just like the pain of infertility.

 

It may be less at times, but it never fully goes away.

Some days, it hurts in my heart and other days, it’s in the pit of my stomach.  It is never in the same spot.

No matter what I do, I can’t ignore it.

No matter what distractions I try, it won’t go away.

Prayer doesn’t completely relieve it.

Medicine isn’t even beginning to touch the issue.

I’m distracted from my work.

My thoughts are constantly consumed by it.

It makes me completely irritable and emotional at the most inopportune times.

 

It’s out to ruin my day, but it’s up to me to make sure it doesn’t happen.

 

Each day I have to make the decision to not let the pain of infertility completely rule my life.  Some days are easier than others, but there is never a day that I don’t feel the pain.