Monday, November 3, 2014

The Ignorance Plan

This morning was our second mid-cycle ultrasound.  Of course, Todd was with me since he is in town and not teaching 3-year olds how to become fully devoted followers of Christ.  J  Dr. McKinney entered the room and quickly told her nurse that I did not want to know anything about the cycle that wasn’t absolutely necessary.  I followed that up with, “We call it ‘The Ignorance Plan’” to which we all laughed.  I was ecstatic that we were getting to see Dr. McKinney again, that she was on-board with our crazy plan, and that we were starting my appointment with “Wandy” (transvaginal ultrasound) on a humorous foot.

I wrote briefly about ‘The Ignorance Plan’ before it was fully a plan and had a name.  It was coined at our first mid-cycle ultrasound appointment on Saturday when we were describing the details to Dr. McKinney to see how we could make it work.  As I was telling Dr. McKinney how I didn’t want to know this count or that measurement or this detail, Todd said, “Basically, she wants to remain ignorant.”  Again, we all laughed.

The details of ‘The Ignorance Plan’ are simple.  I don’t want to know:
·         Follicle count – which we are currently measuring at these mid-cycle ultrasounds
·         Follicle size – which we are also measuring at these mid-cycle ultrasounds
·         Bloodwork results – which are being reported after each of these mid-cycle ultrasound appointments
·         Egg count – which will be available and verbally reported to us at retrieval – This will be the most difficult one to keep a secret because the doctors will have to remember to tell no one the number.  That includes you, Mom, since you’re going to the retrieval with us, again.  So sorry!
·         Fertilization report – which will be available the day after retrieval
·         Embryo count – which will be available everyday starting the day after the retrieval up until transfer day
·         Embryo grade – which will also be available everyday starting the day after the retrieval up until transfer day
·         Any other number or report that could cause me to second-guess if this cycle is working.

The point in ‘The Ignorance Plan’ is that I want to concentrate on God’s plan for us.  I don’t want to worry about what this low number or that poor count means.  I know deep down that God has a perfect plan for us, and we just need to be patient in our wait for it.  However, when I found out that we only retrieved 6 eggs, I was sad.  When only 2 of them fertilized, I was completely distraught.  When the grades were reported as poor, I was beside myself.  It will be easier for me to focus on God’s plan for us and remain positive if I don’t know any of the details.  It won’t be easy, but if I keep the purpose of the plan in mind, it will be achievable.

The kicker is that we still have genetic testing on the table for this cycle.  Todd and I have decided that if we have more than 3 embryos of decent quality, we will perform the genetic testing…I think.  J  Dr. McKinney is encouraging us to transfer 3 embryos on this cycle to increase our odds of having a successful pregnancy.  She even said that if we have 4, she may encourage us to transfer all of those.  (For those that are still learning this process, 1-2 embryos is a normal transfer amount due to the increased risk of high-order multiples.  We do not run that risk because of our background of failed cycles.)  Therefore, most likely, we will forego genetic testing and let God work his plan on this cycle.

The thought of having 3 or 4 embryos transferred immediately brought this scene from “Friends” to mind:
DR. ZANE: It looks like your uterus is ready for implantation.
PHOEBE: Oh! I knew it! I knew it! I felt really thick this morning.
FRANK: Well, okay, so what's now go get, go get the eggs, put 'em in there.
DR. ZANE: Okay, it'll take just a little while to prepare the embryos.
PHOEBE: Embryossss? As in, "More than one?"
DR. ZANE: Um-hmm, five actually.
PHOEBE: Five? Okay, where am I giving birth, a hospital or a big box under the stairs?
DR. ZANE: We do five because that gives you a 25% chance that at least one will attach.
PHOEBE: That's it! 25 percent? That means that's it's like 75 percent chance of no baby at all!
FRANK: Hey, y'know I was thinking, what are the odds like if-if, if you stuff like 200 of them in there?
ALICE: Sweety, now, she's a woman, not a gumball machine.

I’m not scared at all about having 3 or 4 embryos transferred.  This is just a scene that makes me laugh, so I had to bring it up.

Anyway, so that’s it.  ‘The Ignorance Plan’ is in full-effect.  Todd is checking the portal for me daily because I have to make sure I’m staying aware of my shot protocol and my next appointment.

We also found out today that Todd will be undergoing surgery again on retrieval day.  He had said multiple times (including this morning to Dr. McKinney) that he was willing to have the procedure again if it improved our chances.  They continued to tell us it wouldn’t be necessary with the frozen sperm they had obtained last cycle.  Then, this afternoon, the doctors put their genius minds together and discussed as a group.  It was at that point that they agreed we were better off with a fresh sample.  The changes are 50% with frozen sperm and 70% with fresh sperm.  I can’t explain what a good man I have by my side.  He still isn’t 100% recovered from the surgery on September 13, and he’ll be undergoing it again within the next week or so.  You cannot imagine.  Don’t even try to imagine because you can’t.  I can’t, either.  Too bad we couldn’t remain ignorant on that detail a little longer, right?!

The beginning of last week was terribly difficult for me emotionally.  I won’t go into the details, but since Thursday, my spirits have really started to lift.  On Friday, my dear friend, Caroline ( posted this picture that I couldn’t resist sharing.  Her entire post that day was perfect, but I especially liked that she put anchors on her picture quote.  J
Happy Monday to everyone!

Shot Clock:
1.       Tuesday morning, October 28 – 300 units of Follistim
2.       Tuesday evening, October 28 – 300 units of Follistim
3.       Wednesday morning, October 29 – 300 units of Follistim
4.       Wednesday evening, October 29 – 300 units of Follistim
5.       Thursday morning, October 30 – 300 units of Follistim
6.       Thursday evening, October 30 – 300 units of Follistim
7.       Friday morning, October 31 – 300 units of Follistim
8.       Friday evening, October 31 – 300 units of Follistim
9.       Saturday morning, November 1 – 300 units of Follistim
10.   Saturday evening, November 1 – 300 units of Follistim
11.   Sunday morning, November 2 – 300 units of Follistim
12.   Sunday evening, November 2 – 300 units of Follistim
13.   Monday morning, November 3 – 300 units of Follistim


  1. That sounds like an excellent plan! But I think it would be pretty hard for me to stick to it. Doesn't that mean that Todd will know? I'd be trying to read him all the time. I'm thinking of positive baby dust vibes for you two. <3

    1. I told Todd he could look as long as he doesn't tell anyone what he sees. I have no idea what he knows. It's easy for me not to look because I don't WANT to know. :) Plus, he is impossible to read. Thank you for your baby dust vibes!

  2. So.Much.Follistim.! What a genious plan! Can a genious plan be called The Ignorance plan? :-) As hard as it is to accept that God is more powerful than all of the wandy appointments, follistim and trigger shots - HE IS. It shouldn't be hard to accept that fact, but I know it is at times. I think you have the right idea with your plan and I will continue thinking of you guys! I'm happy to see your update! Todd is such an awesome guy! I know you know this, but I'll say: You two are so lucky to have each other! Take care of each other.

    1. Yes! Thank you for recognizing the enormous amounts of Follistim. So many people just don't comprehend what that means. :)

      I'm glad you think it's genius. Four days into it, and I agree! I'm loving not knowing. I don't even wonder about it.

      You're right...God IS more powerful and good! It is hard to remember sometimes, but it is never not true.

      Again, I agree with you that Todd is fabulous, and we are lucky to have each other. I couldn't do this without him.

      Thank you, as always, for all of your thoughts and prayers. Love you, girl!

  3. Oh my!!!! I love that you are just trusting the Lord - I'm sure you are a new case for the doctors! I'm sure they are blown away by this decision and hope they see Christ in you because of it!!!!!!! Curious why Todd is doing the surgery and not doing a sample. Does he deal with MFI? He is such an awesome husband. COME ON BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. Thank you, Caroline. It is a much better idea than what I did the first 3 cycles. So much more relaxing. Now, I have to learn to stop worrying about completely other things. Ugh! I'm not sure if this is new for Dr. McKinney, but she's doing a great job of keeping everything from me. I don't even have to remind her at each appointment.

      No, Todd doesn't have MFI. He has snipped vas deferens and much scar tissue that requires him to have the surgery. :( Poor guy, but man, am I ever a lucky girl!!

      Bring on the babies!! Thank you for all of your love and support!

  4. Well, Laura, you already know that I think Todd is the best, but I just want to say that you are the BEST writer. When you are staying at home with your new baby(ies), I think you should write some books. Great money! Maybe.

    1. Thanks, Momma! I don't fancy myself much as a "writer." I am glad I'm maintaining this blog, though. It will be fun to go back and reread the journey someday...maybe. As for writing post-day job??? We shall see. I wouldn't know much else what to write outside of IVF. :)

  5. I am loving your plan because in the end, it doesn't matter what the numbers are. Our God is bigger! Too often we let the numbers, statistics and reports cloud our faith and this "ignorance plan" is a great way to keep your focus on God and not "the cycle." Love ya sugars!!! xo

    1. Exactly! Our God is bigger than any of this. He doesn't read the reports and decide the outcome based on the numbers. He already knows the outcome. :) Yay for that!! Sometimes, I forget that we are even in a cycle because I'm so not focused on it ruling my life right now. I love it! And I love you, too!!! *Hugs*