Thursday, August 15, 2013

Those Darn Doldrums

This morning, I read a blog entry from Jen Hatmaker (  If you don’t follow her blog, I will tell you one thing:  You’re missing out!  The woman is brilliant!  Now, obviously, I am not a fulltime mother, but I think her blog tells a lot of stories about what it is like to be a fulltime mother.  I think she’s raw and honest and hilarious.

Anyway, the entry I read of hers this morning was called “Stuck in the Doldrums,” and I completely related.  You see, until about a month ago, I had been stuck in the doldrums for quite some time.  I was just down on myself.  Most of the time, I played happy and genuinely loved everything about my life…except me.  Seriously, I loved my husband, my family, my friends, my town, my home, my job (for the most part), everything.  However, I was unhappy with myself.  Strange, huh?  I wonder if anyone else ever has that feeling.  Well, I found that eating clean and working out has started to turn my opinion of myself around.  Plus, I have more energy to tackle my ever-growing to do list.  Both body image and my tasks were reasons for my case of the doldrums.  The last few weeks, though, things have really been turning around in these two areas.  Wooooo!!  (Yes, I can still pretend to be a “woo girl.”)

Well, yesterday was a randomly placed ‘Doldrum Day,’ as I will now call them.  They are so strange to me because they come out of nowhere and leave me feeling helpless and scared and full of doubt.  I think I know what triggered my case of the doldrums yesterday, and it wasn’t just one thing.  This may sound silly, but this is what set me in motion:
1.       I read a blog by Jen Hatmaker about her two adopted children.  She had so much love for them, and it made me start rethinking a second IVF cycle again.  I started wondering if God’s plan for us is to adopt.
2.       Then, I started wondering if maybe I would be okay if I never had a baby.  After all, I already have 3 amazing step kids.  Some people never get that.  When I head down this path, I start to wonder if I’ve been off course on my life plan my entire life.
3.       To top it all off, my friend, Rachel (mother of twin girls), wrote an awesome and timely Facebook post about infertility.  I loved it.  It was just what I needed to start pulling me out of my funk.  Then, a small person left some rude, inconsiderate comments that I let get the better of me.  I debated with him on Rachel’s post and let myself get fired up, adding to my ‘Doldrum Day.’

However, luckily, after texting with Rachel a bit, I was starting to feel better.  I took some time when I got home to tell Todd about my day.  He did exactly what I needed him to do and listened.  I allowed myself to cry alone, too.  And just like that, my ‘Doldrum Day’ was over.  I was feeling much better and actually rewarded myself with some ‘Dessert TV.’  (I stole that phrase from Ashleigh.  Basically, it’s TV that’s so good but so bad for you.  J)

Now, on a more positive note, I made a terribly-okay pancake for breakfast yesterday.  The instructions told me to mix 3 egg whites, organic pumpkin, rolled oats, cinnamon, and Stevia.  We asked our challenge coordinator how much cinnamon and Stevia, and she said to use as much as you want.  Well, I’m an engineer, not a cook.  (On a side note, I can cook just fine if I have a recipe.  One of my biggest pet peeves is being told I can’t cook.  For some reason, it’s a “joke” that doesn’t sit well with me.  Stepping off soapbox…)  “As much as you want” is not the type of recipe instructions I like to have.  I added 1 tablespoon of each cinnamon and Stevia.  Yes, once I poured the cinnamon in, I realized how much that was.  Todd got a good chuckle from this, and so did I…until I had to eat it.  I’m not even sure there was pumpkin in there, but there was definitely cinnamon!  Needless to say, I only ate half of the pancake.  Eek!!

The first lesson of yesterday was that I feel blessed to know so many people that have dealt with infertility and know how tough it can be.  However, I also hate that I know so many people that have gone down this rough road.

Second lesson learned of the day was that less is more with cinnamon.  At least I tried!  J  

Happy Thursday everyone!!


  1. Glad I could chip in a bit :) I was really fired up that day too. ha.