Anyway, the entry I read of hers this morning was called “Stuck
in the Doldrums,” and I completely related.
You see, until about a month ago, I had been stuck in the doldrums for
quite some time. I was just down on
myself. Most of the time, I played happy
and genuinely loved everything about my life…except me. Seriously, I loved my husband, my family, my
friends, my town, my home, my job (for the most part), everything. However, I was unhappy with myself. Strange, huh?
I wonder if anyone else ever has that feeling. Well, I found that eating clean and working
out has started to turn my opinion of myself around. Plus, I have more energy to tackle my ever-growing
to do list. Both body image and my tasks
were reasons for my case of the doldrums.
The last few weeks, though, things have really been turning around in
these two areas. Wooooo!! (Yes, I can still pretend to be a “woo girl.”)
Well, yesterday was a randomly placed ‘Doldrum Day,’ as I will
now call them. They are so strange to me
because they come out of nowhere and leave me feeling helpless and scared and
full of doubt. I think I know what
triggered my case of the doldrums yesterday, and it wasn’t just one thing. This may sound silly, but this is what set me
in motion:
1.
I read a blog by Jen Hatmaker about her two
adopted children. She had so much love
for them, and it made me start rethinking a second IVF cycle again. I started wondering if God’s plan for us is
to adopt.
2.
Then, I started wondering if maybe I would be
okay if I never had a baby. After all, I
already have 3 amazing step kids. Some
people never get that. When I head down
this path, I start to wonder if I’ve been off course on my life plan my entire
life.
3.
To top it all off, my friend, Rachel (mother of
twin girls), wrote an awesome and timely Facebook post about infertility. I loved it.
It was just what I needed to start pulling me out of my funk. Then, a small person left some rude,
inconsiderate comments that I let get the better of me. I debated with him on Rachel’s post and let
myself get fired up, adding to my ‘Doldrum Day.’
However, luckily, after texting with Rachel a bit, I was
starting to feel better. I took some
time when I got home to tell Todd about my day.
He did exactly what I needed him to do and listened. I allowed myself to cry alone, too. And just like that, my ‘Doldrum Day’ was
over. I was feeling much better and
actually rewarded myself with some ‘Dessert TV.’ (I stole that phrase from Ashleigh. Basically, it’s TV that’s so good but so bad
for you. J)
Now, on a more positive note, I made a terribly-okay pancake
for breakfast yesterday. The
instructions told me to mix 3 egg whites, organic pumpkin, rolled oats, cinnamon,
and Stevia. We asked our challenge
coordinator how much cinnamon and Stevia, and she said to use as much as you
want. Well, I’m an engineer, not a
cook. (On a side note, I can cook just
fine if I have a recipe. One of my
biggest pet peeves is being told I can’t cook.
For some reason, it’s a “joke” that doesn’t sit well with me. Stepping off soapbox…) “As much as you want” is not the type of
recipe instructions I like to have. I added
1 tablespoon of each cinnamon and Stevia.
Yes, once I poured the cinnamon in, I realized how much that was. Todd got a good chuckle from this, and so did
I…until I had to eat it. I’m not even
sure there was pumpkin in there, but there was definitely cinnamon! Needless to say, I only ate half of the
pancake. Eek!!
The first lesson of yesterday was that I feel blessed to know
so many people that have dealt with infertility and know how tough it can
be. However, I also hate that I know so
many people that have gone down this rough road.
Second lesson learned of the day was that less is more with
cinnamon. At least I tried! J
Happy Thursday everyone!!
Glad I could chip in a bit :) I was really fired up that day too. ha.
ReplyDeleteYou definitely helped! I appreciated it.
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