Thursday, September 25, 2014

This is the alley…

There is an alley at work that I use to get to and from my car.  I have been using this alley for over two-and-a-half years.  I have walked through it well over 1,000 times.

Until this week, this alley was just an alley to me.  It wasn’t until I returned back to work this week that it dawned on me that this alley now had new meaning.

When I returned to work this week, I entered the alley and had an overwhelming sense of failure and disappointment...from beginning to end. 
This is the alley where I sat when Claudia called to tell me that I was pregnant, but the beta number was so low that I shouldn’t get my hopes up too much. 
This is the alley where I bent down to hear Mary Kathryn tell me that we had lost the pregnancy. 
This is the alley where I leaned against the wall and Dr. McKinney proceeded to explain to me how both of our embryos were not viable for transfer. 
This is the alley where I called Todd three times to tell him that the news wasn’t good.

It was fortunate that it took so long for the significance to dawn on me, that it didn't happen with the first bad news last year.  It is unfortunate that I can’t help but think about it each day when I walk through it, now.

I won’t be brought down, though.  I take a deep breath, enter the alley, and pray…from beginning to end.

Thank you, God, for the opportunities you have given to us and the strength you are giving to me.  Amen


  1. This is why I nearly had a panic attack at my OB's office for my pap last month. Too much bad news circling around. Maybe we will get good news soon?

  2. You should do cartwheels down it. Skip. While singing "Walking on Sunshine" or something equally obnoxious and happy. (And video tape it for the rest of us!)

  3. Oh hun I am so sorry! I hate that this ally has become a time when you remember only the bad things that have happened. I'm praying that soon this ally will supernaturally return to nothing more than an ally for you. God is bigger than any of the issues going on inside of your body and I'm believing 100 percent in your healing so that you can go forth and be the baby making machine that He created you to be. He doesn't change....He doesn't make junk...You are fearfully and wonderfully made and by His stripes you ARE healed! xo

    1. You are right, Elisha. And I will continue to pray my way through this alley until it does become just another alley again...and I will be healed!

      Maybe the next time I get news while standing in this alley, it will be of the long-awaited BFP!!