There is an alley at work that I use to get to and from my car. I have been using this alley for over two-and-a-half years. I have walked through it well over 1,000 times.
Until this week, this alley was just an alley to me. It wasn’t until I returned back to work this week that it dawned on me that this alley now had new meaning.
When I returned to work this week, I entered the alley and had an overwhelming sense of failure and disappointment...from beginning to end.
This is the alley where I sat when Claudia called to tell me that I was pregnant, but the beta number was so low that I shouldn’t get my hopes up too much.
This is the alley where I bent down to hear Mary Kathryn tell me that we had lost the pregnancy.
This is the alley where I leaned against the wall and Dr. McKinney proceeded to explain to me how both of our embryos were not viable for transfer.
This is the alley where I called Todd three times to tell him that the news wasn’t good.
It was fortunate that it took so long for the significance to dawn on me, that it didn't happen with the first bad news last year. It is unfortunate that I can’t help but think about it each day when I walk through it, now.
I won’t be brought down, though. I take a deep breath, enter the alley, and pray…from beginning to end.
Thank you, God, for the opportunities you have given to us and the strength you are giving to me. Amen