Thursday, April 16, 2015
We are on a countdown to IVF! Our baseline ultrasound is Tuesday, April 28.
Today, I received approval for the time off of work. I’ll either have to make-up some of the days or take them unpaid. I’m really hoping my boss sticks to the plan of letting me make-up the hours.
Last night, we told Mom and Dad about our plan. Sorry for those that are just finding out that they have known all along. I knew it would be hardest to lie to Mom through all of this, especially with a multi-day stay in St. Louis.
We also made a plan for what we will tell everyone else. I want you all to know that I am not enjoying the thought of having to hide this cycle. At the same time, I’m enjoying it immensely. The plan is that we are going to be as low-key and normal as possible during the May cycle. We are going to go to appointments when necessary and then just leave them behind us. We are going to take shots when my alarm tells us to and then just move on with what we were doing. I don’t want to talk about it a lot. I don’t want to analyze every number the doctor gives me. I don’t want to worry. I know you’ll all understand and appreciate why we kept it from you, now.
I do apologize if you feel we lied to you, but my dad said it best last night when he reminded me that this was our information to tell or to keep quiet. I couldn’t agree more, Daddy. Thanks for bringing me back to center.
I’m feeling really excited about this cycle. I can’t wait to see what happens!!
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
IVF Cycle 5 is underway. Let me just say that hiding this is becoming increasingly difficult. I don’t enjoy not being able to tell family and friends about this. However, not talking about it a lot has been a nice change. Although the cycle is always in the back of my head, I feel like I’m able to distract myself from it quite a bit because I’m not talking about it as much as I have in the past.
We had our baseline ultrasound yesterday. Everything went fine. Dr. Nilson counted 16 follicles. I’m not getting my hopes up or getting disappointed at all. I have been through this enough to know that 16 follicles today could be 12 or 20 at the next appointment. You just never know. Plus, I also know that not all follicles contain eggs and not all eggs will be mature enough for fertilization. If I stress that 16 follicles could only yield 5 or 6 fertilized embryos, I’ll be a complete mess. Instead, I choose to realize that 16 follicles could end up being more fertilized embryos than that if he couldn’t see some hiding follicles, they all have eggs, and they all fertilize. Miracles do happen, people.
Dr. Nilson asked me, again, if this was my first cycle. I told him this was my fifth, and he said, “Well, shut up Dr. Nilson.” Basically, he realized that everything he was telling me was old news.
We have spent the last several days trying to make arrangements for our trip to St. Louis around May 13. Todd will have to be in Austin until the morning of May 14, so I’m going to have to trek to St. Louis on my own until he can join me. We are trying to decide if:
· I should drive myself and he fly there to meet me. This is the most cost effective option because his company will pay for him to fly directly from Austin to St. Louis since he’ll be flying anyway. However, I’m a terrible long-distance driver. I fall asleep on the way home from work, so this option is our least favorite.
· I should fly up there and he drive there to meet me. This option isn’t really fair to Todd because it leaves him with the driving after a flight from Austin to Tulsa. Plus, I’ll have to rent a car for 2 days. Plus, we have to pay for my flight. This will cost us $222 + airline fees and 2 free car rental days that we have banked. I don’t love this option, either, because of the unfairness to Todd and the added expense.
Who knows what we will do. I’m not worrying about it. I’m just ready to get a plan in place, so I don’t have to think about it anymore. This conflict in schedules has caused me to wonder if we should postpone this cycle. Plus, we are going to have a day trip to Searcy next weekend for graduation that’s going to be very taxing and tiring. I have been flip-flopping on switching to a later month, and it’s been difficult on us both. I’ve cried a lot of tears out of frustration. (There are a few other details causing me to wonder.) I second-guessed this process on cycle 3, too. It’s frustrating when you question every decision you make. We have started the cycle, now, so we aren’t looking back.
Shots start on Monday. I just hope that I can keep up this momentum of staying busy and not dwelling on every little step.
Wish us luck!