Friday, June 26, 2015

“Have you ever considered adoption?”

"Have you ever considered adoption?"
Adoption?  What is that?!
No, in all seriousness, yes.  We have considered adoption.
We have also considered natural conception,
timed-intercourse/medicated cycles,
natural-cycle IVF, and
mini-IVF (is there a difference in these last two?).
We have eaten a clean diet,
tried the PCOS diet, and
We did acupuncture,
massages, and
We have taken Metformin,
fish oil,
pre-natal vitamins, and
folic acid.  (In all reality, we have been swallowing over 20 pills a day since we started down this road.)
Would you like your first 28 shots in the thigh or
the stomach because the following 63 shots will be in your rear.
Or if you’re lucky and your doctor doesn’t make you take the Progesterone shots in the rear, do you want
patches or
Speaking of, do you want Estrogen as a shot,
cream, or
Do you want ICSI/IMSI/PICSI or
petri-dish fertilization?
One embryo,
two embryos, or
three embryos at transfer?
We have looked into egg donors,
sperm donors, and
embryo donations.
Did you know you can get eggs and/or sperm from a known donor or
unknown donor?
Let’s not even mention the eye color, hair color, race, religion, intelligence level, sexual orientation, or 183 other options on those sperm and egg donors that you have to make.
Genetic testing or
luck of the draw?
Do you want updates via phone or
(Don’t even get me going on what happens if you miscarry.  You can have your miscarriage in the form of natural,
chemical D&C, or
surgical D&C.)
We have researched fostering,
adopting, and
We realize you can adopt domestically or
You can get an Indian baby (because we are) or
a non-Indian baby (because we don’t look like we are).
There are the open adoption or
closed adoption decisions.
In many of these cases, do you want a boy or
a girl?
Are you set on a baby, or
would you like an older child?
By the way, don’t forget you need to pay for this.  Will you borrow,
finance, or
pay cash?
Whew, my brain hurts.
So, have we considered adoption?  Yes, amongst a few other things.  It’s just not that easy.  “Just relax,” though – we’ve got this under control.
Oh, and biology PSA coming to you – adoption isn’t what people do to get pregnant.
These are just some of the decisions that someone with this disease will face.  Some of us will have additional decisions; some of us will not have to face all of these decisions.  I can promise, though, that all of us have, at one time or another, considered adoption.
Anyone else ever notice that infertility can feel like a Chinese food buffet with all of the options laid out before you?…and many of them are unclear as to what they really are?!

I am doing a link-up with Lisa at Amateur Nester for this blog entry.  Go check-out her blog if you’re in the mood to be encouraged.  If you don’t like being encouraged, well…I’m sorry.  J


  1. oh such a good post!!!! Love to you my friend!! xo

  2. This is so true. It's sad that people thing adoption is just an easy way out or an easy answer. it is NOT a bandaid... Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.

    1. I couldn't agree more. No one deserves for an adopted child to feel like a consolation prize. Adoption is a calling. I wish everyone could see that. Thank you for reading!

  3. Laura, this is a wonderfully worded article. Sometime I wish I could print this out and hand it to the many friends and relatives who bombard me with the same suggestions.
    Someday, my baby girl, I pray that you will be sitting with a little one in your lap and writing a book on these experiences for those who are going through the same things. You will be such a comfort to them. xoxoxo

    1. Thanks, Momma. Feel free to just shoot them the link when they bring it up. ;-)

      I don't know if I have the patience for a book, but I always appreciate how supportive you are of my blog and my writing. I love you!

  4. I love this post. It rings so true. People ask if we've considered adoption like they're saying, "Have you considered switching to decaf?" These are life-changing decisions, and they're not easy.

    (Okay, in truth, switching to decaf might be life-changing to me too, and I'm not sure my marriage would survive it! :P )

    1. Maggie, that's hilarious! I like to equate it to people thinking adoption is like going to the pound and picking up a new puppy. It's a *little* more difficult, but they act like it's that easy. Le sigh.

      For the record, I vote you stick to caf for the sake of your marriage. ;-)

  5. Great post! No, it is not that easy. Adoption is riddled with its own challenges and heartbreak. There is no perfect answer when it comes to overcoming infertility.

    1. Exactly! There is no perfect answer. What works for one, may not work for another.

      Thanks for coming over and reading, Jessah. I know you're a busy, busy woman these days!

  6. Sorry for commenting on an older post, I just found your blog through your guest post on Our Freaking Budget.

    The funny thing is we did adopt our wonderful son about 4 years ago. When we told our friends and family this, many people said, "Have you considered IVF?" And "Why don't you just do IVF?" And even "What about surrogacy?" You know, cause these are all super easy options that always work, right?

    Very few people could understand that we weren't adopting as a substitute for having biological kids, but as its own amazing thing. Anyhow, it just struck me as funny- the people who know best how you ought to overcome infertility are always the ones who never struggled with it.

    1. tarynkay!!! You can comment on the oldest post I have if you want. :) (Actually, ALL of my posts are old right now. I should write soon, huh?) I'm so excited that OFB brought you here. What fun!

      I love your "other side of things" perspective. Yes, I am living proof that IVF ALWAYS works. Oh, wait. It does something.

      Listen, you're a brave soul for adopting. That's such a beautiful thing, and you gave your precious little boy a loving home. I think that's awesome! I'm proud of you for doing that.

      It is really funny, though, how so many people offer unsolicited advice. Didn't you ever just want to say, "Um, I don't remember asking you what you thought we should do." :) I think infertility and these journeys definitely teach us to be more aware of our audiences, don't you? We are stronger for what we have gone through.

      Good for you for adopting, though. I truly mean that! It's such a beautiful thing when it goes well...and definitely not an easy way out. There's NO easy way out of infertility.

      God bless you! *Hugs*